Cars & Crises

Okay.  So, CHANGE.  It's a good thing.  Really.  It is.  But, for those of us who love to manage every detail of our lives and feel reassured that we have control over it, it's more of an annoying inconvenience.  (And, I'm mainly referring to myself...)


My car came this week.  I AM THRILLED.  My sweet little Sante fe Hyundai is finally soaking in the Southern Californian sunshine.  This is where it was always meant to be.  Thank you to all of the family members who have made this possible.

There's a new excitement in the air...in the knowledge that I could quite possibly drive to the grocery store if I needed to...or run to the dollar store for some last-minute Sunday school supplies (don't worry, mom, I'm trying to be careful and not make extra trips unnecessarily).  But, wow.  What a joy to have such freedom!  (And independence).  And, in many ways, my heart longs to revel in this new found freedom.

But, I'm absolutely not (independent, that is).  None of us are for that matter.  Shocking, I know.  Most Americans cringe at this thought; we love our independence.   In fact, we have very little control over most of what happens in our world and are quite dependent on the people and natural forces around us to continue functioning as they have so faithfully done in the past.  Will the sun show it's face again?  Will all the other cars on the road stay on their side of the yellow line?  Will our hearts continue to flawlessly pump blood through our bodies?  Will my professor show up to class tomorrow to impart knowledge?  Isn't it amazing how we live with such a sense of security, often forgetting how little control we have over all of these things?


Sometimes, you need a reminder...and it often comes when you are most desperate for a snippet of control.


Okay, dad, I've seriously tried not to philosophise...this is my very matter-of-fact and straight-to-the-point blog.  (I even tried to create a separate blog for all of the flowery and emotional commentary - and my, perhaps mislead, thought processes).  But, this is Meg.  This is Meg living in Southern California, thousands of miles away from her family.  I long to be able to share these things that I'm learning with you.  And, I know that we often struggle to find time to talk - life is moving quickly.


So, here's my heart.  I want you to be apart of what I'm learning and how I'm growing.  And, here's what I'm learning.  That it's okay to be dependent on one another with the right motivation:  out of the realisation that we were made to love one another and support one another -- not so that one of us continuously benefits from the generosity of others -- but so that the generosity of those who give sustains a chain of generosity.  --So that as we receive we give out of that abundance.  That's how I want to live.  But, I often feel that I'm on the receiving end...and I'm learning how to live generously when I feel that I have so little to give.


It's actually quite humbling.  I can't do life on my own.  We weren't made to do it alone.


Friday night, Ellen & I were discussing her mid-20's life crisis and my early 20's life crisis.  (I know, we have never really experienced a "crisis" but, when you're young and inexperienced, small stressors feel like crises.)  So, I got out my parchment paper, and we went to town mapping out all of our dreams and goals and hopes.  (Practical and impractical - realistic and utterly unrealistic).

It was helpful in releasing some of the stress.


I long for some security -- financial, emotional, relational, physical, mental, spiritual, etc.


Will it ever change?  I don't want to be dependent (especially financially)...and, quite frankly, I'm working so that I can be more independent. (Of course - financially and in other ways).  But, (Dad, can I quote you?  Because I'm going to...)  as my father said on the phone last night, "Sometimes, the hardest thing is to be okay with living off of the generosity of others."  [That's certainly not true of everyone (some people feel quite entitled), but, I know that in my life, my pride often resists wholeheartedly receiving the gifts of others].


There's something incredibly beautiful about allowing people in your life to carry you and provide for you when you are unable to...in order that you do the same for them when you are able and they are unable.  Sound like communism?  I'd say it sounds more like the New Testament.    There is so much unexpressed gratitude in my heart.  I promise you, if I ever become financially stable, I will give back to you because I have been given so much!  (I know you're laughing because you're thinking -- "Megan, financially stable?  Are you joking?")  It's hard to imagine, I know. :)


But, the Lord is doing something.  And, I'm walking in a state of patient and active anticipation.  I may never have a lot of money but I will live generously...as a student, or missionary, or development worker, or clinical psychologist, or professor.  I'll need you to hold me accountable to this.  This world is greedy.


But, we have been blessed to be a blessing!  (That was God's original intention in Genesis...and fulfilled in Christ who invites the nations to partake in Abraham's blessing!)


So, there's a whole lot more to this story...and it involves alarm security systems, coffee, micro-financing, and Skid Row.  But, if you want to know all of the boring details, you should call me. :)


I hope that we will remember together that, no matter how independent we think we are, we are utterly dependent on God...for life, meaning, and hope.  I'm allowing my current state of dependency to remind me of how much I need Him.  And this is the humbling reality.  And this is why I can, at times like these, embrace dependency.


Because we all need someone or something...and, incredibly, He is the source of all of those things.
He is the source...and (unlike everything else in our world), He NEVER changes.  James 1:17 - 
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."